That's Not Very Nice!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Not So Much Raccoons, Huh?

Now, I can't help but find Contagions problem with the homeless digging through his garbage HILARIOUS. Hilarious mostly because it's not my trash strewn all over the neighborhood, it's someone elses. However, not to worry, I have suggestions:

Nothing stinks up faster or more vile than raw chicken skins. And a little goes a loooong way my friend. Save up your cans in a grocery bag till it's full. Then have a chicken dinner (reserving skins) Take said skins, and with a sharp knife, chop into quarter sized pieces (remember, a little goes a long way) and insert a piece or two into each can. In the summer it only takes a day, sometimes two, for that skin to emit the most foul stench imaginable. Make sure these cans are in an opaque bag *next to* your real garbage. Maybe the homeless fellas will take the bag and leave the rest of the trash alone, or they will take the bag without opening it, and still rip into your garbage, but I doubt it. My guess is they will take the bag and keep on walkin'. And find out later about the surprise.

If that doesn't work, well, I'd keep a jar of Vaseline next to the garbage can in the house, and give each can a good swipe before throwing it away. The homeless are a tough crowd though, so I don't know what it takes to gross them out enough to leave a can alone because it is too gross. They would certainly be earning their can money though.

You could pee a little in every can, that would be gross.

You could take the bag of garbage from the house to the garage, pee in the bag real good, then quick get it outside and tie it up, that's gross too. Especially after a couple of good hot days in the sun. Yeah, toss in some chicken skins in there for good measure. That bag'll be ready to burst all on its own. ;-)

Or you could calmly and warmly go out there and have a chat with them, something like this:

"Hey there Fellas, I see you are hard at work this fine morning, say, I was wondering if you could be a little more careful when you dig through my trash. I have noticed that you accidentally must have torn the side of the bag open coming through here with your cart, before you had a chance to carefully untie the top of the bag to get at my cans. I'd be happy to keep a roll of duct tape for you right here if that ever happens again, so you can tape the side of the bag shut to avoid the mess an accident like that makes. Thanks, Fellas, keep up the good work!!"

Yeah RIGHT........:-) Chicken skins dude, chicken skins and piss.