That's Not Very Nice!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


I am going to go on a little rant. My mom really hurt my feelings this weekend, and I have to write it.

We were in the car, and I was trying to talk to her about how I have been thinking about what my next career would be as soon as Shorty goes to school full time. It is something I have been mulling over for quite some time. And as a major life decision, I was trying to share my feelings, and options with her.

I should know better than to discuss matters of finance, and carriers with a woman who has no grasp of the value of the dollar, and has not been employed for over 30 years. I should.

It hurts when nobody wants to listen. It hurts when you get ignored. It hurts when someone refuses to listen, when you desperately want them to hear you. It hurts when someone treats you like a mindless dolt.

I have never failed at anything I ever pursued. If I set out to do something, it happens. I am also very realistic. I don't set myself up for failure. I have self confidence issues, and I know why. When ones mother does not have the faith that I can do well for myself, and pursue any avenue I choose and flourish, it makes me doubt my self. My mom hates go-getters. She hates people that give something their all. She does not believe that a woman should have goals. Men, yes. Women, no. In her opinion, a woman is supposed to make her man happy, and care for children and that's it. *F* that.

As a woman who has worked since I was 16, becoming a stay at home mom is crippling to my spirit. Maybe things would be different if I had never worked, and never felt the sweet gratification of a paycheck. I need to work. I need it for me. I need the structure of the workplace, I need the deadlines, I need the feeling that I have value to someone other than my family. I just need it. And for the first time in my life, I have the power to choose the path I *want* to go down, rather than take a job because I need the cash....It is something that I have been mulling over and over. And the woman refuses to listen. Listen to what I want to do with myself. What I want for myself. What I want to become. This is not a small issue in my world, but she has nothing nice to say, nor the tact to shut up and listen like a decent person.

At least I know better than to try and bounce ideas off of her in the future. There. I am finished with that. Although I don't think I feel much better about it, I have only made the situation more clear. That is a step anyway.