That's Not Very Nice!

Monday, December 12, 2005

Dear Santa

I have not gotten anything from you in many, many years. I am requesting a few items this year in reimbursement.

new dishwasher

new waterheater

new underpants

flat panel TV so I can get rid of the entertainment center

the remaining seasons of Buffy and Angel that I don't have

new socks

one of your elves till next Christmas, to clean the litter box

a knob for my washing machine so I don't have to use a pliers to turn it

different neighbors next door

a new door handle for the Sonoma as Mike broke it in the last ice storm

the remaining Foxfire books that I don't already have

nice black leather boots, because the Sorel boots that I have had since I was 13 are not appropriate to wear everywhere I go. They make me look even more like a lumberjack.

25 lbs of lefse

A years worth of Diet Pepsi. I know that's a lot, but don't worry, I have lots of room in the basement. The litter box elve you sent can carry it all down there.

I would like you to re-design the windshield washer squirter system on several of our vehicles so that the rubber tube going to the squirter doesn't freeze up at inopportune moments.

Thank you Santa.