Dear AARP,

Dear Sir or Madame at AARP,

Please stop sending me mail. I am not even 30 years old, and I am on your mailing list. Lets just stop wasting time and resources, both yours and mine.

If you got my name and address from one of my friends, because it was my birthday recently, please tell me who it was.

I will not beat them with a toilet brush, and shave "Ice, Ice, Baby" into the back of their head with a beard trimmer. I will not fill the back of their truck with roadkill. I will not fill their front step with fresh pig crap. I will not sign them up for the readers digest condensed book club. I will however, tell them that it wasn't funny, and they better watch it on their birthday...

Seriously, I'm getting stuff from the AARP, and it kinda sucks.