Rules For Thy Husband...
Just for the fun of it, I am going to write up a list of rules for my husband to abide by. Why, you say? Because it's funny. And this guy did it for his wife, and I think I can do better.
1) You will make eye contact with me while I am talking to you. I don't want to have to say "Look at me when I'm fu**ing talking to you!!" anymore.
2) When I tell you that something is broken, it's broke. I'm not dumb. Go fix it instead of asking a million questions that I can't answer. Just go fix it. You are the man, and it's your job. Get crackin'.
3) When someone comes to the door selling us religion, just tell them to go away. Don't chat with them, don't take their booklet, just tell them to get their pimpin' selves off the property. I hate it when they come back for you when I'm not home, and *I* have to be a dick to them.
4) When the cats do stuff you don't like, don't blame it on me. They are crazy, and you like them. Say it.
5) Quit cleaning the guns in the bedroom. Seriously.
6) When the car gets stuck in the yard, don't try to pelt the side of the house with a rooster tail of mud. The neighbors have enough to talk about.
7) When you are waiting in the car for me, don't play with the power locks, and lock me out, and then un-lock it, then lock it as soon as I reach for the handle. Any more of that, and you will wish you had never taught me how to punch someone and make it hurt.
8) If you are reading one of my books, be careful with it. If you break a binding on one of my books, the price to pay will be high. To the tune of skulls crackin'.
9) If I fall down in the yard/house/down steps/ the first thing you will do is ask me if I'm OK. Not laugh your ass off.
10) No more giving me snuggies that tear the elastic off my underpants. I will tolerate it no longer. And it wastes perfectly good underpants.
Now, I'd rather have my spouse abide by those rules anyday, rather than Mr. Crazymelons psycho list. Pfft...anyday...
1) You will make eye contact with me while I am talking to you. I don't want to have to say "Look at me when I'm fu**ing talking to you!!" anymore.
2) When I tell you that something is broken, it's broke. I'm not dumb. Go fix it instead of asking a million questions that I can't answer. Just go fix it. You are the man, and it's your job. Get crackin'.
3) When someone comes to the door selling us religion, just tell them to go away. Don't chat with them, don't take their booklet, just tell them to get their pimpin' selves off the property. I hate it when they come back for you when I'm not home, and *I* have to be a dick to them.
4) When the cats do stuff you don't like, don't blame it on me. They are crazy, and you like them. Say it.
5) Quit cleaning the guns in the bedroom. Seriously.
6) When the car gets stuck in the yard, don't try to pelt the side of the house with a rooster tail of mud. The neighbors have enough to talk about.
7) When you are waiting in the car for me, don't play with the power locks, and lock me out, and then un-lock it, then lock it as soon as I reach for the handle. Any more of that, and you will wish you had never taught me how to punch someone and make it hurt.
8) If you are reading one of my books, be careful with it. If you break a binding on one of my books, the price to pay will be high. To the tune of skulls crackin'.
9) If I fall down in the yard/house/down steps/ the first thing you will do is ask me if I'm OK. Not laugh your ass off.
10) No more giving me snuggies that tear the elastic off my underpants. I will tolerate it no longer. And it wastes perfectly good underpants.
Now, I'd rather have my spouse abide by those rules anyday, rather than Mr. Crazymelons psycho list. Pfft...anyday...
posted by Sarah at
6:53 PM
