Predatory Creatures Dwelling in the Bedroom....

Johnny - Oh made me think of a funny story with the comment he made on the last post.....

I have a cousin much younger than me, he is the boy half of a pair of twins. He did not sleep a night of his life in his own bed till he was 11. He had his own room just like the rest of the kids in their house (4 kids) but would not sleep in there. My Aunt and Uncle apparently didn't have the heart to put the smack down on the situation till he was about 8 years old.....

The solution they settled on was that the child could sleep in the same room, just not on the bed anymore, so he slept on a rug. On the floor. Next to their bed. Ugg. However it may be the right solution for my cats. We shall see about that one.

So, whos fault is it that I got my foot brutally attacked by my cat while I was sleeping? Yes, I am aware of it being my own fault for having predatory creaatures sleeping on my bed. But they were so cute and harmless when they were the size of softballs........

Oh, and the .45 is WAAAAY too messy.

Sally "The Crippler" Strikes Again....

I was brutally assaulted last night. No, I'm absolutely serious. Here is the scoop:

I went to bed as normal, everything was fine, I was cozy. Fell asleep almost immediately. I woke at 4:16am, and I was way too warm. So I moved the blanket and put my one leg on top of the blankets and all was good. I did take notice that Fat Sally (my 20 lb fat man cat) was sleeping and my foot was touching him. Mmmmm...foot cozily resting against cat blubber......

Then suddenly I woke to my foot being attacked. But not the nice playful way. Apparently since normally there isn't a foot touching him he got startled, I dunno...anyway... He managed to tear open the side of my pinkie toe, and scratch me from the bottom of my heel all the way to my ankle. Now, the ankle scratch is no big deal, but the the toe got cut into the meat. And the blood, oh dear god the blood. So I wrapped it up in tissue and hobbled to the bathroom to see what the heck I should do. What I should have done was go and get some stitches, but instead I wiped up the mess, tore open an alcohol pad-wipe-thingie and scrubbed the wound. Son-of-a-gun that sucks. But you have to clean cat scratches right away because cats are germy. Then got a finger bandage and wrapped it up and went to bed.

Lesson learned: Reach down where the cats sleep on the bed with a stick and secure the area prior to putting leg on top of blankets.

Some of you may have other suggestions for my cat troubles, and if it involves a brick, a river, a pillowcase, a .22, or a dog, I don't want to hear it.....

Out From The Rock...

I'm back to annoy and disturb.....

I Couldn't Help It........

Well I guess I have been gone awhile. Quite a long time in fact in the land of blogs, so here is what happened:

I was minding my own business on March 30th, walking out to the garage, when all of a sudden I was approached by 17, YES 17 ferel cats. One thing led to another, and I was carried by these mighty beasts to a stolen UPS truck waiting in the alley.

Once in this truck, I was tied up by them with purple yarn they stole in the night from the local nursing home, and driven to the local wal-smart. There is where I met my doom. Ordered by the cat leader "Snaggletooth", I was sent to the store to purchase 2 carts of dry meow mix, 1 cart of cans of salmon canned food, and another cart of coffee creamer from the dairy case.

The bill came to a healthy $420.82. So I put it on my visa card as Snaggletooth had advised earlier, as I usually have about $4.50 on me at any given time. I proceeded to drive these many carts out to the parking lot, back to the stolen ups truck, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN.........

Dogs. Lots of big, big DOGS everywhere! So there was my chance to escape from my captors!!

I ran home, and to my surprise, sitting at my kitchen table was Bob Sagett! So I said "Get out of my kitchen, I hated you on Funniest Videos!!" And he said "Get back to Snaggletooth and the gang." Damn. Bob Sagett foiled my safe return.

So, back to the van I go, with a stick to scare the dogs away. Snaggletooth has now decided that since I have thumbs, I am quite a valuable hostage, and puts me to work.


So I have spent over a month fishing down by the river, catching fresh fish for a ups truck full of dangerous, ferel cats.

Uhhh....SERIOUS!! Well maybe I was just doing lots, and lots of other stuff.