That's Not Very Nice!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Cleaning is Grand

I have been cleaning most of the day so far and have found a number of forgotten items.

A whole box of nice costume jewelry that I was going to have my mother-in-law sell for me down at the antique store

2 partial packs of cigarettes

3 lighters

Shortys dirty clothes shoved down the crack of the couch

An onion that the cats took from the kitchen. Yes my cats are weird.

The remote for the DVD player that has been missing for 2 weeks.

Some graffiti money I found for Harvey at Bad Example, and it is some quality stuff.

Still missing are the keys for my green truck, and I have no idea where they went. This is not good. Looking for the keys is what started the cleaning bonanza, that and I am picking up my husband from the airport tonight and I want the place to be better than when he left.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Neighborhood Love

The police just left. I watched them paint chalk lines on the tires of the vehicles in front of my house. The only reason the police in this town come around chalking peoples tires is when there is a complaint. I know who made the complaint, and this happens way too damn often.

We are good neighbors, we are not loud, we don't have dogs, we keep our cats in the house or on leashes so they do not eat the neighbors birds from their feeders, I keep Shorty out of their yard, we mow twice a week, we always wave at each other we we are outside. I don't know what else to do. They are just nosy jerks.

When we moved here we thought we had the nicest neighbors. Until the police came the first time with official complaint papers. The papers said that this property was a blight on the neighborhood because of the inoperable vehicles. The police man said that the neighbor was furious.

There is not one inoperable vehicle on this property. They all look terrible because they are all old and crappy, but they are all registered and work properly. As soon as one breaks something really expensive, and we don't have the part in the basement, the car goes into the garage to get pillaged for parts for future cars, and we haul it away to the scrap yard. It is economical for us because my husband keeps all these cars in good order, and we drive them all over without worry. We talked with the police about it, and they said that we were OK, and not to change a thing because they were registered and running. We changed nothing because of that complaint. That must have had Mr. Cranky Neighbor Man more furious. Just furious.

The second time the police came to the door was when we had a vehicle parked out front, and it was parked about 4 inches across the property line. In the street mind you. Last time I heard, the street was all public parking. They were complaining that the tire on the van was near their sump hose that shoots water into the street. Please. They also did not like it because when the street sweeper came around it would have to swing wide around my vehicle, and would not sweep the whole stretch in front of his house. The poor police man was telling me this stuff, and I was just shaking my head, and he was trying to explain that he HAD to respond to the complaint because the neighbor had contacted the Mayor about the situation. Neighbor was pissed enough about it to call the mayor. The police man was amused at the situation, and was sorry to be bothering me. He told me that the neighbor just got home from hip replacement surgery, and had nothing better to do than complain about our stuff. Goody. I moved the van back about 6 feet, and called it good. That must have really pissed him off, but the police man said it was OK.

I am also bothered by the fact that they always wave and smile at us, but they don't have the balls to talk to us about things that are bothering them. The first I find out about it is when the police come. It makes me want to cry. I have never had neighbor issues before, and I just don't know what to do. I think I might quit waving. That would be a pretty bold move in this neighborhood. I think I will withhold all waves to that side of the house. I have tried to stay mature about things, but for petes sake I can only fake it so long.

Waving will be withheld until further notice.

In the Name of Science

Harvey over at Bad Example has a riveting laundry question.

I was searching for am answer for him when I stumbled across this info. I never knew that vinegar was so useful. Reading this makes me think perhaps I have been going about my laundry dilemmas all wrong.


This is a long running argument I have been having with my parents. Two or three years going. I want them to have chickens. They absolutely DO NOT want chickens. I bring it up about once a month, with hints like "Wouldn't they be cute running around the gardens?" and "I think Martha Stewart even has a couple."

This weekend my mom actually asked me if I was serious about the chickens. Of course I am, and I am a little pissed that they have not been taking me serious for the last couple of years.

I explained that I am not suggesting 60 of them or anything, just 3 or 4 of the pretty ornamental fancy ones wandering around the yard. Then she was like "Oooh. That wouldn't be so bad." "how would you keep them warm in the winter?" "That would be king of neat..."

I want dad to turn his old ice shack into a chicken coop, but they still don't like that idea.

They think the fox, and the coyotes will kill them, and I had to explain that the chickens roost at night, and if you build a sturdy coop, nothing will be able to kill them in the night when they are in there.

I probably sound like a brat for being pushy with my parents, but that is all they respond to. They don't know I am serious if I am not being pushy, and even then sometimes they blow me off. Dangit. At least I don't yell.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Gone Again

I dropped off my husband today at the airport. He has to go for work to fix something for a very 'important' customer in New York City. I find it hard to believe that it is worth flying someone all the way from Minnesota to New York for three days all expenses paid by the customer, but apparently it is. They are even giving him a team of peons that he can boss around and make do stuff. Wow. Handy at home, and handy at work. Definitely not a bad thing at all. I wish I could have a team of peons for a couple of days. Man o man, the windows would be clean, and the beds would all be made......anyway...

I can't wait to hear the stories when he gets back. Last time he was there he came back driving like a madman. Apparently the cabbies out there drive quite aggressive. Another time he was there he found some Chinese buffet in Manhattan that you pay by the pound, and he thought that was the best thing ever. He wants to go there again this time.

I wonder what it will be this time...

Oh, Glorious Firewood

This weekend was wonderful.

Not one apple made it into a jar, but a whole lot of firewood got made. We started on Friday afternoon, and quit Saturday afternoon. I decided that it would be more fun for me to work with the men than make applesauce in the kitchen. I put myself in charge of hauling all the wood from the lower part of the property to up by the garage where it will get stacked. I was hauling as fast as I could most of the time, and I was almost always behind because they were cutting and splitting so efficiently. Not splitting with a splitter either, they were doing it with an ax. Good thing dad has a four wheeler with a trailer, because that job would have been horrible with just a wheel barrel. I would not have done it, and you would have found me in the kitchen instead.

We ended up with a little better than 2 cords of wood after it was all said and done. Not bad, but he will need a few more if he is going to use it all winter. We will be back to help some more I am sure. Although we all had a great time, and didn't want to leave. We just wanted to stay and make that pile bigger. We will be back.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Helpful Hint

When you get a whole house water filter, get a whole sack of replacement filters.

Ours was full after a week. It was supposed to last three months. I thought the Kool-Aid tasted funny before. Huh. It's town water too. I don't know what the deal is, but that is just gross.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Helpful Hint

What do you do when your garbage can gets too full, and you don't have anywhere to put more garbage?

Gift wrap it and put it in the backseat of your car with the doors unlocked. It'll dissappear.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Minnesota Nice

I am generally not a believer in the term "Minnesota Nice". Until today.

Shorty and I were walking down to the convenience store and I saw an old black Ford truck parked at the gas station. Shorty was convinced the truck was one of our friends trucks, and I was showing him all the differences such as "No see, this one has a 2 piece grill, so it is not a '79, and look at all the trim that is gone on this one, and looky here-its a F250, and the one you are talking about is a F100."

Anyway, the owner came out and saw us hovering around his truck, so I told him that we were just admiring the truck, and we have a couple of these old Fords too. Told him about the flatbed tow truck, and the big fun truck, and my minty green truck, and the truck we keep at my parents house, and the trailer we made out of the back half of an old Ford.

He perked up a bit when I said tow truck, and asked if we tow for people. I told him no, we only use it for ourselves. Then he told me that he has a 1986 Thunderbird that he needs to get rid of, and if we want it, we can have it. I took down his phone # and name. We even had to go into the store to get a pen and paper.

Now that was just nice. He could have just smiled courtiously and driven away. Nope. Now we are on a first name basis. Cool!

Came home and e-mailed my husband, and within about an hour there are a couple people wanting this car for parts and body panels etc...

Moral of this story:

There are so many doors open to you if you talk to the right people, know the right people, and own a tow truck.


There are still nice folks out there, you just need to talk to people and be friendly. And own a tow truck.

I Think I Have Been Tricked.

The plan this weekend has been to make applesauce, and can some tomatoes. Talked with dad today,and it seems that he only has about 2 dozen tomatoes. And the deer are eating most of the apples. I told him to get out there and start picking apples and hiding them in the garage because I am coming with 12 dozen jars to fill, and I am not leaving until they are all full. (seems reasonable, right?) he informed me that he would be busy cutting a trail back to some dead trees that he wants my husband to cut down and split this weekend.

I asked him what the hell he is going to do with all that wood. He is going to fire up the wood furnace this winter that he hasn't used in 17 years. This is a great idea, but he doesn't have any seasoned wood. Perhaps the dead dry wood will be dry enough? It is all freshly cut. I asked him if he has cleaned the chimney, and he claims that he has, and all he needs to do is take apart the blowers and clean them, and it will be ready to go. OK. I guess he means it.

I think the new goal for this weekend is cutting wood for dad.

My poor husband.

Sorry Mike. He is on a mission. He doesn't listen to me. You are on your own. He is going to work the crap out of you.

I will be in the kitchen or out in the yard throwing rocks at deer by the apple tree.

Lets just see how this goes.

Bad Dog

My neighbors have a Jack Russell Terrier. I have never seen a dog so purposely naughty in my life. Said neighbors are all handicapped in one way or another, and can't run. This dog runs away from them every chance it gets. Taunts them. Comes running at them, and as soon as they make like they will grab the collar, he bolts again. They have to get into the car and follow the dog through the neighborhood, and around the block, yelling at the dog to get in the car. This goes on for hours, and happens all the time.

I do not have a dog, but I had one when I was a kid, and have been around enough good ones and bad ones to know what I WILL NOT tolerate from one if I had one.

If that was my dog, that would only happen a couple of times before I took it to the pound. I don't put up with that kind of crap. It just pisses me off too much. There are too many brilliant loyal ones out there. I would never settle for a stupid dog even if it did have "papers".

Bad dog.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Senior Discount?

It is customary nowdays at restaurants and some other places to give seniors a 10% discount. Why? I am not complaining about the discount, just curious.

I have a couple of ideas/theories.

Perhaps the senior population has that much purchasing power that businesses compete for their money.

Most seniors are on a fixed income, and businesses are trying to save the folks some cash.

The businesses are trying to make themselves look good by offering the nominal discount.

One business started to do it, and other businesses were sick of the elderly coming in and yelling at them, and they felt pressured to give the discount also.

Any other ideas?

No Luck.

All 4 traps are untouched. I don't know what to think. They must have left, or fell out of the truck when I was driving. I'm certain that if there was mice in there, they would have eaten the trap food because there is no other food in the truck.

I am truly disappointed that I didn't have the excitement of catching like 20 mice. Oh well. I'll just have to buy the mothballs for prevention and call it good.

I'll leave the traps there one more night, but then they are coming out and I'll start driving it again.

Mice: Phase 2

I am turning up the heat on the mice. No takers for velveeta in the 4 traps. I mixed up a batch of peanut butter and bulgur wheat with a raisin squished in the middle. Should be irresistible. When I was switching the bait I somehow got nailed in the pinkie knuckle with a trap and I think I heard tiny giggles from behind the seat. I'll show them giggles.

I wonder if the mice are still in there, or if they fell out while driving (oh what a sight that would be!!) or if they have bailed because there is no food in there. If they are still there, tonight is the night. Blood will spill. I even chained the traps to all 4 pedals so if I sort of get one, it can't drag my trap under the seat to chew its leg off. (I have pictures, but I need help from hubby to get them off the camera.)

My dad had that problem one time, he was loosing traps in the basement, so he got out a logging chain and wired all the traps to the chain and said "If they can drag the chain away, they can have the trap." Yup. Pretty much.

He is also the guy who starts a tally on paper with how many mice he traps in one day, and he does the same thing when he starts in on the squirrels at the birdfeeder. I am pretty sure that is why he feeds the birds in the first place. Last winter the snow under the feeder looked like he had been shooting squirrels all winter. Pink with large spots of darker pink. I can't believe that more squirrels kept coming. You would think they could smell the death or something. Perhaps I am giving rodents more credit than they deserve. They are not the brightest.

I will be a little disappointed if the mice left on their own, and I don't get any corpses. I do not appreciate the shit and run stunt they may have pulled.

Monday, September 19, 2005

A Busy Monday

Today I am getting together all of my canning jars to take to my parents house this weekend. Making sure I have enough seals and rings for all the jars. The apple tree is ready for picking and I am going to attempt to can all of the applesauce that I can on Saturday. Lots of work, but lots of food! Last year I attempted to make apple butter, and that took too much time, and still didn't turn out right. We generally don't eat that much applesauce, but I can use it in baking cakes and quick-breads that will be sooo moist. If anyone has ever made applesauce to can, I could sure use some pointers to make things go quicker.

We will have 2 water bath pots, and 2 stock pots for boiling down the apples, and then squish the apples through a mesh strainer after they are cooked, and then in the jars, seal them, and put them in the water bath for the required time. That's the plan....

What a Wonderful Weekend!

Some weekends are just good. I actually got some things done this weekend! Got the mouse traps in the truck (crossing my fingers!!), cleaned out the flower beds of the unruly/or dead stuff, made a little house for the porch cat Charlie. Swept the porch, did some laundry, went to Wally-World, Menards, and grocery shopping. My husband installed one of those whole house water filtration systems, and partook in the shopping festivities, and mowed the grass, and hauled a truckload of grass clippings and garden debris downtown to the village drop-off site.

I have 4 traps in the truck, and hopefully they (it?) will meet its demise soon. Thought of putting one of the cats in there overnight, but they have never even seen a mouse, and would probably make friends with it. (I have watched one of them take a half hour to kill a cricket, how long would it take with a mouse?) I don't know anyone with a critter eating snake, so I could not do that.

Wonder how it would go with a snake, a cat, and a mouse in there? THUNDERDOME!! ...nevermind...3 men enter...nevermind...

Thought of putting a pie plate of bird seed on the seat, and having the windows of the truck open, and watching from an upstairs window with the pellet gun, but what would the neighbors think? Seriously.

If the traps don't work, I'm going to buy a couple of boxes of moth balls and dryer sheets, and put those everywhere. I'll probably do the dryer sheet thing anyway for the nice smell. If they are still in there after that, I'm going to take the seat out, and the headliner, and the box things that the seatbelts retract into out and FIND them. With a hammer.

I'm not worried about any real damage (wiring etc...) Because hubby and I have owned 8 (that I can remember) of these era Ford trucks in the past and have accumulated several wiring harnesses, and countless other parts for them. I do care about the pee smell though. I could write a whole post about the parts room in the basement. Floor to ceiling shelves. Parts, parts, parts, Maybe another day.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Unusual Discovery

I seem to have a problem with my truck. not mechanical, not electrical, something very different. Mice. My beautiful 'new' truck has a mighty big case of the mice. Here is a picture of a truck exactly like mine, except the paint on mine is not as fresh as the one above.

There are mouse turds all over the seat this week. And it stinks. I suspect they are living in the cab corners (corners of the cab behind the doors). I don't want to put poison in there, because I do not want them dying where I can't get to them. I am going to have to put traps in there. My husband thinks this whole situation is hilarious. Me, not so much. If anyone has any ideas on how to get rid of mice in a vehicle, PLEASE leave a comment. Last time there was a truck of ours that was infested with mice, the mice would come jumping out of it as soon as you started it up. These are not jumping. What the hell?

Thursday, September 15, 2005

It's That Time Of Year Again

It is starting to get chilly at night up here in Minnesota. I wouldn't trade the harsh Minnesota/Wisconsin winters for anything. I get warm fuzzies at the thought of -20 degrees, and my cozy house nice and toasty with a big ol pot of baked beans going all day in the oven. There is something strangely satisfying about smelling something slowly cook all day long, and then enjoying a meal that can never really be duplicated again. I have to make sure I get all the baking done before those beans go in, because they require a good 8 to 10 hours in a slow oven.

Nothing beats a fresh pumpkin cake, or apple cake with loads of homemade cream cheese frosting. Or a stack of banana bread loaves cooling on the counter. Amish friendship cake/bread is unbelievable, however it takes 5 (or maybe 7? it has been a while) days of fiddling with until it is ready to bake.

There is also something to be said of venison stew. A crock pot full of that done right is worth its weight in gold. I brought some to my father one time when he was at the bar (yes he used to spend a lot of time there) and he had the whole crew jealous and drooling. Hands down better than beef if it is done right. Better for you too.

The trick to good venison starts right in the woods. If you are going for good meat, don't have your heart set on a big old buck. Get yourself a good healthy average sized corn fed doe, or maybe even a spike buck. Shoot to kill on the first shot. Adrenaline skunks up the meat. No gut shots either. Don't hunt where there is no access to a corn field. An old deer taste like goat meat. Bleah. Another factor in the quality of meat has to do with how quickly it was processed. Some folks have their deer hanging up in the tree for a good 2 weeks. Hang it up to drain *YES* Leave it there forever to get skunky *No Thanks*. Good venison should never have to be soaked in soy sauce (aaah! Blasphemy), or slathered in tomato sauce after being torched so bad in the fry pan you can't even eat it. Shame!

If there is no struggle to keep my existence on this planet I seem to not be happy. I think I like the satisfaction of making something from start to finish. I think that's why folks like me were planted in the region of the snow and cold. There are many more things to say about the wonders of a Minnesota winter....Another day.

Note to Fathers: Have your daughters drag their own deer out of the woods. A little work won't kill them. They are stronger that you think. It did me a world of good emotionally. (part of the start to finish thing)

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Mountain Men

I ran across this Glossary of Mountain Men Terms, Words and expressions. This is a pretty fun thing to go through and see how many of the words you actually know the definitions to. I found that I knew 43 of them already. You might be surprised at how many are still being used (here in Minnesota anyway).

The Sale...Part Two...

I just couldn't help myself. I should have kept my trap shut but I didn't. I finally told my mother In-Law that her son and I had intercourse in the upstairs bedroom almost daily all through 1995,1996,and 1997. This came up last Friday night as we were sitting outside having a cocktail on the patio. I pointed to the neighborhood house where one of their freeloading 22 year-old sons was changing his clothes in the window. A delightful sight I must say. I could hardly contain myself with the giggling and gawking as he was changing. It was just embarrassing. My mother In-Law kept her cool, and looked as well. This is when I decided to tell the delightful tale about how I 'turned' the neighbor kids gay many years ago.

It goes like this:

When my boyfriend (now husband) and I were dating in high school, the windows in his bedroom didn't have any mini-blinds on them. We never thought anything of this as we continued on our wildly acrobatic spiral of sexual experimentation. I'm telling you we were really something back then.

Turns out I was the only one that wasn't concerned about the mini-blinds, he was aware of the fact that the whole neighborhood could see, and thought it was funny. I had just never thought of it. (I was a country kid, gimme a break) Then we went to wally-world and bought mini-blinds.

So whenever it has been brought up from then on, all we have been saying is "oh-remember when you 'turned' the neighbor kids gay?". The reason it is so funny is because I had a nicer body than most of the cheerleaders, and definitely better legs than all of them. Oh the days of hotness.

Anyway, I told my Mother In-Law the whole story. She sat there slack jawed while I was telling the story, and then went on to say "well, the neighbor boys were going to find out about sex somehow anyway". She didn't seem to get the point that they learned too much. Holy Smokes.

On Saturday night my husband came over, and since I was sleeping there without him, I loudly invited him up to my 'room' (which of course used to be his room) just to see what kind of reaction I would get. From across the house Mother In-Law yells "Don't do anything nasty up there!!" Now that had all of us in tears. Except she was serious. Which made it worse. And all the windows were open for the whole neighborhood to hear. Priceless.

Happy Birthday Harvey!!

Harvey will not be getting any boobie pictures from me this year. I am of the belief that you should be happy with whatever people want to give to you. I also believe that noone should ever get anything that they actually want on their birthday. Which means that I have the perfect gift for the Harvenator. (oh yes, he will kill me for calling him 'The Harvenator'). I suggest that we call Harvey that for the rest of the day!

Here is his present from me. If I had money to piss away I would send him here. He would hate it I think. Aaaah....Birthday Torment....

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Sale...Part One...

There are a number of interesting things that happen when you go to the In-Laws:

2 of the three nights my Father-In-Law peer pressured me into getting sh*t faced drunk. Lines like "oh...Better drink up, this stuff will go bad you know" Vodka doesn't go bad. Ever. "Lets take the till and go to the bar."

"Did you know there is a box of your old p0rn0 mags. out in the garage? Don't ever get rid of those. There's even midget p0rn in there. We want that stuff if you decide to get rid of it OK?" I mentioned casually.

Have you ever seen a old, short, crazy bearded Norwegian man turn bright red in the dark? His response, with quite a bit of looking no one in the eye was "Midget p0rn? I didn't even know they MADE midget p0rn." My ass, it's HIS box, from the seventies no less. And that is what I told him. It's not ours. Why would we keep our p0rn in their garage? This box is big too. We spent an afternoon in the garage one time sorting through them in high school. They have been in the same spot since. If we would have been jerks we would have stolen the box long ago.

This all probably sounds like these people are some real trashy folks, but they are not. I can safely assume that I am the only reason they have ever discussed midget p0rn together. I bring out the best/worst in people. I can't help it. It certainly was a delightfully great time, and I will write 'The Sale...Part Two' tomorrow.

Oh, by the way, the gross income for me from the sale was $130.00, but after it took $60.00 in gas to get there and back in the stupid van, the profit was obviously less than satisfactory. Good thing they took me out to eat and supported my caffeine habit, and filled me up with booze.

P.S. I know that it sounds like I made parts of this story up, but I promise I did not, it is an honest to god true story. I may like to be funny, but I don't lie. Especially about midget p0rn.

Did anyone but me notice I wrote 'midget p0rn' five times in this post?

Thursday, September 08, 2005

I Will Be Away On Business

I will be away from my desk for a business trip (garage sale at my in-laws) until Sunday. Wish me luck, because I am hauling a vanload of quality products (useless junk) to this business opportunity and I want to come home with an empty van. I am currently packing my suitcase with my finest business apparel (jeans and t-shirts) to make the very best impression on my clients (crazed old ladies). I do not want to scare them with some wild hairdo, so I will have my hair styled conservatively in a tidy arraignment on the back of my head (in a ratty bun). My marketing department has advised me to use attractive price stickers (masking tape) with the prices clearly visable. They also advised me to have bold incentives for buying in bulk (I'll put the junk in a bag for the old lady).

I can already smell the success!!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

I Miss Lawn Darts

I got to play lawn darts at my cousins house. (we didn't have them at my house) I miss playing that game. Other yard games just aren't the same. I remember one time my cousin Danny and I were playing with them in the backyard, and Danny decided to see how close he could throw the dart by his foot without actually hitting his foot. You know how kids are, this kind of happened quickly, and his first throw went right through his foot. I freaked out and ran up to the house and got my aunt and uncle. My uncle carried him up to the house with the dart still stuck in his foot, laid him down by the rose bushes where the garden hose always seemed to be running, proceeded to pull the dart out of his foot, run a lot of ice cold well water on (through) the wound. Then the boy got yelled at like I had never seen before, or since. Wrapped up the foot good with an old dish towel, and we all went out to eat. Didn't even give the kid a crutch or cane. They made him hobble.

Nowdays the kid would have been taken to the hospital via ambulance, coddled by his parents, and then the parents would sue the pants off the poor toy maker. You know full well the instructions on the box gave a warning that the toy was dangerous, and the parents should realize that just because a toy is out on the market doesn't mean that it is appropriate for your child.

Giant metal darts are dangerous. Logic is not to be ignored just because it is labeled a 'toy'. There are (and were) plenty of smart kids that are capable of playing with things and not getting themselves killed or maimed.

I am still angry they took them off the market in 1988.

That Guy Who Farts in Elevators

Last night my husband and I were having a discussion about something, and the subject of farting in elevators came up. (he brought it up)

He was dead serious telling me exactly how, and why to do it.

I was too busy laughing at him to get all the details, and he kept trying to get me to stop laughing with stuff like--"You think I'm kidding, but you have to time them precisely"
And "It's the best at a big hotel at dinnertime when you know there will be a whole pack of people getting on after you leave"

I am going to have to dedicate a half hour to jot down all his tips, hints, and tricks on the subject. He had a lot to say. I never knew he had it down to an art. This guy takes this serious. I'm glad that his job sends him on trips sometimes. Lets him get it out of his system. (pardon the pun)

Just goes to show that if you talk to your spouse and listen, you can learn new stuff about them all the time.

Help Bring Checkers Tournaments Back to New Mexico

If you live in New Mexico, and have been itching for a state Checkers Tournament, this fella needs your help. Personally I don't care if they ever play checkers again in NM, but perhaps one of you does, so there you go.

I helped.

Competition the American Way--With Processed Meat

How quick can YOU eat a whole can of SPAM? Takes me about 3 days. Some things you can't rush. I think this kid does it a little quicker than most. Maybe its the gelatinous goo that was on his side that day. I believe he used it to lube up his throat the first bite, and the rest just slid right down.

Honest to god I loved the stuff when I was a kid, and it was always exciting when a fresh can was opened, because Mom would let me play with the goo in the can while I ate. Serious. She won't admit to it (of course), but I remember things. Some stuff just stays with you forever.

Like To Whittle? A Tribute to Under-Appreciated Hobbies

Does the other bench say 'FOXY BANJO'? I must be reading that wrong.

Do you like to whittle wood in your spare time?

Would you like to improve your quality of whittling?

Want to get together with other whittlers?

Want to show others your techniques?

Wood Carvers Roundup may be something to check out in 2006.

Or perhaps this article?

This is a neat one too.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Despite the Pain, You Are Still in Denial

I am posting a link to the Polka Dance Injury Pain Relief and Management site. This is a wonderful place to reference if you have recently overinduldged with the Polka this fine Labor Day weekend.

There is also an informative section on coping with the addiction of Polkaholism.

I Missed the Outhouse Race Registration Deadline AGAIN

I keep meaning to build an outhouse (for racing purposes only of course). My neighbors would love it I'm sure. I would make mine so that it would look functional. Not all tacky like some people like to do. Really snazzy. In fact, I'm going to draw this thing up so when I have the time and lumber--it's getting done.

Improve Your Team Spirit.....NOW

Now, I know it is sometimes hard for folks to stay happy and productive at their workplace.

That is why there are companies out there that specialize in corporate training and responsibility events. Specially geared to positively energize your employees, increase productivity & morale while enhancing team spirit. Go Team!

What bunch of whine-ass little sissy bitches need special encouragement to do their damn job?

Fire a couple of slackers, and that will encourage the whole group of babies to do their job. I'll bet it's cheaper to do that than to send them all off to 'Happy Love My Job and I Am A Team Player' Camp.

Be grateful anyone would hire you. Whine-Ass. They don't have to employ you. They can always find someone better, so shut your can. And do your friggin' job.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

I'm Sure You All Know.....But

I found the FEMA website, and there is a lot of Katrina info on there that may be of interest. They also seem to be making lists of people for family members to look through and add to. Just wanted to spread the word around in case someone didn't know already.

Spousal Quote From Saturday

"Yeah I brought the fireworks with, they're under the drivers seat."

I love it when he plans ahead.

Once Again Driving My Husband Nuts

We went to a friends house yesterday afternoon, and it was about an hour drive from our house, they live waaaay out in the country. Anyway, I see something shiny up in the sky and announce that it is a UFO. I know this bothers him that I do this. He starts looking out the windows, and finally sees it and tells me how wrong I am. I tell him that it looks like no airplane I have ever seen, and it is too low, and shiny. Then, like usual, I am told that it must be a weather balloon then. By now Shorty sees this shiny object from the back seat and is asking us what it is. I told him it was a UFO. Husband told him louder that it is Fancy Shiny airplane, and don't listen to Mommy because she can't see good.

This is all working well for me until some time goes on, and the thing appears to have airplane wings. Then I announce that it is morphing itself into the shape of an earthly airplane so it doesn't draw attention. By now the Husband had totally given up on me, and finally says in a sarcastic voice "Yeah--Because they do that you know." Then I remind him that I already knew that.

This keeps going until we finally meet up with the 'flying vehicle in question' and it appeared to have 2 jet engines under the wings and the familiar red tail of a certain large Airline Co. Then we were discussing why the heck the plane was flying so low in the first place etc....and the UFO thing was not brought up again.

Just a common occurrence for me to pipe up about stuff just for the sake of getting him all riled up. Good times. Good times.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Fun For the Whole Family!!! Heck Yeah!!

I wonder who shows up for this festival, and what a person would think if they were just driving through, and saw it in progress? I would definately go if we lived closer.

Gas Price Chat Group

Last night I got to feel good about myself. I sometimes think that perhaps I am not the brightest bulb on the tree, but that is nothing compared to the comment I read when I stumbled into a heated discussion about the gas prices, and what to do about them. The comment I am in awe of is:

"Car manufacturers should make the gas tanks on the cars smaller."

I have nothing more to say.

I would have grabbed a link to it, but I forgot. I think I went into shock.

A Little Bit More About Me...

In our small family there are 6 bodies. My wonderful husband, our sometimes wonderful son 'Shorty', Me, and the 3 kittens we decided to get for the kid last Halloween. I thought this was a good idea. (one maybe a good idea, but for cripes sakes 3?)

Did you know that 3 grown cats generate a lot more turds than 3 little tiny cute kittens? Logic tells me that I should not have been surprised by this fact, but I am still in amazement. Thank god they all use the litter box, and not the corner, or under my bed, or the plants, or anywhere the feel fit.

There is a zero tolerance policy in this house about EVERYBODY needs to use the proper receptacle for their pee and poop. If you can't/won't abide by this simple policy, out the door with you. No 3 strikes and your out. No warning. OUT to the wilderness for you.

There are some things that the wonderful husband will not tolerate, and that is the smell of crap first thing in the morning. So now I have to make sure I use the toilet ALL the time, or out I'll go........

Friday, September 02, 2005

Spousal quote of the Day

This is going to have to be a daily post because I can't believe the stuff that comes out of his mouth sometimes.

Before he went to bed the other night this is what I heard:

"Geez...These are like rotten devilled eggs. I'm gonna be crackin' these off at you later."

Joy. What do you suppose he was talking about? I know perfectly well what he was talking about, and it wasn't pretty. At all.

Gasoline Prices

Would you do anything different if the price of gas rose above $4.50 per gallon? What would you do differently (if anything)?

A Little Bit About Me

I have this blog because I have lots to say, and my family is sick of listening to me. Perhaps some of you can relate. I am doing this for myself, mainly because I have a lot to say.

I am a stay at home mom, with a 4 year old boy that I will refer to as 'shorty'. That's usually what I call him anyway, so that comes very natural.

I have been reading a lot of the blogs from the Bad Example Family, and I hope you all enjoy what I have to say in the future.

Many Many thanks to Uncle Harvey for nudging me in this direction for the past couple of weeks, and patiently helping me learn computer stuff. (I am quite handicapped with computers) , and with sentence structures as you will probably soon find out.

My Very First Sucky Post