Stupid Cousin

I have this stupid cousin. Everybody has a stupid cousin, Right?

We shall call him "Norman" to protect his stupidity errr...identity.

All of us kids are catching up on the latest with each others jobs, etc. when my stupid ass tool of a cousin Norman pipes up about how he has this AK that he and his friends use to shoot up cars that they don't want anymore. Granted, it's their own stuff they are wrecking, so that's OK I guess, I wouldn't do it in a million years, but whatever, then I said "Well, as long as you aren't shooting steel jacketed ammo, now THAT would be stupid." His reply was "oh hell yeah, that's the best, you can crack the block with those!!" What. A. Tool. Then I just looked at the others and announced that we are sitting by a future Darwin Award winner. Norman had no clue what that was, so the rest of us got a good laugh at his expense. Too bad, the kid needs to get the hell out of the gene pool.

Then, you know because we weren't impressed enough with the previous tale, he told of "his friends" wrapping the seat belt around the steering wheel of the car with it turned all the way to one side, then running it in circles in the middle of a corn field with a brick on the pedal. Then they shoot the crap out of it till it won't run anymore. Apparently that is all fine and dandy till somebody shoots the seat belt. Then you have to watch out. Well no shit dumbass. How many stupid ideas can you pile up on top of each other before something crazy happens? Seriously. What a dumbass. The whole pack of them, him and his mentally insufficient friends.

Every last holiday for the past three years, nothing but stupid has flown out of this kids mouth. (I call him a kid, but I think he's 20) stupid, stupid, stupid.

Maybe one of these years he won't be alive to tell the tales. Sounds harsh, but seriously, the kid is a complete moron who is a serious waste of space, air and food.

This Thanksgiving I was (and still am) thankful that he has not bred. That is the last thing we need is more of him and his brilliance.

Feed Mill Mishaps

Went to the feed mill this morning to get the corn Dad wants us to bring tomorrow. Dad wanted 1500 lbs. From past experience, we know the feed mill guy has a bad eye for judging how much corn he is putting in the truck, so I told the guy I wanted 1200 lbs. Figuring he would goof up and give me 1500. Crap no, I got 2020 lbs of corn. 820 lbs. more corn than I said I wanted. Good grief. I would have to say that this guy is not so good at estimating, considering he works at the feed mill for a living.

Preschool Picture Day

Shorty had his first picture day yesterday. What a day. Kids came to school looking so darn sharp!

A little girl classmate of his showed up to school with a GIANT makeup case, brush, and her Mother in preparation for the picture. 4 years old, and wearing make-up. What the hell is that? That is one of the most ridiculous things I have seen lately. Talk about self esteem issues right from the get go. How can that even sound like a good idea to the mother? Poor girl will probably have an eating disorder by the time she hits second grade. What is wrong with parents these days? What's wrong with a kid being a kid? What's wrong with a girl knowing she is beautiful just the way she is? Girls have enough pressure and problems with their image when they hit puberty, why ON EARTH would you want to start up the feelings of that so soon? My God man, give her some time to just be a kid. Ahhhh.....I'm just pissed. I feel so sorry for that girl, want to wash off her face, give her a hug, and say "Now that's better! Now I can see what a pretty girl you really are!" Poor thing.

Well, I can absolutely say that that is not how I would not raise a daughter if I had one.

Mouse in a Tree

Talked to my Dad on the phone yesterday. Actually Mom called, and we were talking and Dad was hovering around waiting not so patiently for his turn on the phone with me. Mom got irritated with him and gave him the phone because he was so antsie. What would a Father be so excited to tell his daughter who they called long distance?

He caught a mouse for the first time in his new live trap contraption. That's not what he was fully excited about though. Apparently he decided that he would take the trap with the mouse in it out to the mailbox with him, and throw the mouse in the weeds while he was out there. Sounds OK. Well according to him, his flinging action of the box sent the mouse WAY up high, and the mouse managed to get a toenail caught up in a tree. Dad watched, and the mouse got himself pulled up and was sitting on the tree branch.

Then the conversation went like this:
Me: Well what's he gonna do now?

Dad: *Laughing* I dunno.

Me: It's going to get cold up there.

Dad: I know, he is going to have to figure something out.

Me: Maybe he will get so cold he falls down.

Dad: He should make a nest.

Me: What is he going to use to make a nest, up there in the tree?

Dad: NOOO. After he falls out of the tree.

Me: Can a mouse take that kind of a fall?

Dad: I don't know. Maybe.

Me: I suppose if he lands in some leaves he will be fine.

Dad: Yup, he'll figure something out.

There you go folks. I don't know it it is one of those things that you have to be there for to be funny or what, but it is just hilarious to me. I still don't know what the heck my Dad was doing using a live trap instead of a snap-the-mouse trap, but whatever.

Why Everyone Should Wear Plaid

1) It is extremely fashionable any time of the year. Extremely fashionable.

2) Many times it is flannel, washes good, and no ironing needed.

3) If you plan your wardrobe properly, you only have 2 loads of laundry, plaids with your black socks & flannel underpants, and jeans.

4) Men find that women wearing flannel panties are sexy.

5) I was actually hit on by a guy in a bar with this line "I can't resist a girl wearing flannel" My response was "well actually, it's just plaid regular cotton...." then "No thanks, I'm married" then "No, I don't need a ride home" "I don't care if you ARE a college athlete scout" Then I bolted. The power of plaid is unimaginable.

6)You never have to coordinate outfits, it's always just pants, plaid shirt, underpants and socks. Always.

7) You will never have to buy shirts because as soon as your Mother/Grandmother and everybody catches wind of your style, there will be Sears shirt boxes under the Christmas tree as far as the eye can see.

8) If you are a man and want to look tough, wear plaid because it makes you look bigger and tougher. Look at Norm on This Old House, for instance.

9) Plaid flannel is just great. I prefer green. But never red AND green together because that just screams CHRISTMAS HELPER!!

10) If it's good enough for Grandpa, it's good enough for me.

Shaping Up To Be Quite A Holiday

It is shaping up to be another busy holiday this year. On Thursday we will be driving our truck AND our van to my parents house (1 hr 40 min), the truck being full of corn because we can buy corn here at our feedmill for about half what he pays from the local farmer by his house. Makes a difference because both of our houses are burning corn and pellets for heat this winter. Bringing the van to give it to our buddys parents. Yea!! Getting rid of the van! Then we have a trailer that has been at my parents for almost 7 years that we are bringing home. After we unload the corn from the truck we will go to my Aunts and Uncles place for dinner at 1:00 pm.

Thursday night after we drive all the way home in the truck (1 hr 40 min), we will drop off at home here and take a car to my father-in-laws (3 hrs) because he gave us a pickup truck a while back and we never picked it up. He is also giving us a little chest freezer because he doesn't want it anymore. I am excited about that. We will stay there Thursday night and Friday night and come back sometime on Saturday (3 hours).

Then my mother-in-law called last night and she wants to come here on Sunday. At least we don't have to go anywhere. That's all I have to say about that. And she is bringing me some lefse. Lefse is my all time most super-duper favorite food on the planet. Favorite. That sweetens the deal considerably.

A weekend doesn't get much better than this. Too bad there is so much driving involved.

Stupid Meme

Oddybobo tagged me for my very first meme! So here we go....

1. Do you use an alarm clock to wake up in the morning?

Yes, sort of...I have my Shorty who hovers by the side of the bed staring at me until I wake up because he is creepy, or he stands there whispering about how he has to pee until he wakes me up. Always standing about 3 inches from my face.

2. What time do you set it for?

I regulate the clocks liquid intake before he goes to bed, to insure that there are no malfunctions during the night, or too early in the morning. Anywhere from 7:30 - 9:00 am.

3. Do you hit the snooze button, if so how many times?

That's just not nice. What an awful question.

4. Have you ever abused an alarm clock?

This is getting ridiculous. Shame on you!

5. It's time to spread some "Its Blogcess" linky love

Rules of the game, so I have been told:

First, copy and paste #1 - #5

(Make sure to link to: "It's Blogcess", wich is the link in #5. Because it is always polite to link the one who started the linky love.)

Second, link to my site (because it's polite to link the site that tagged you)

Third, go and tag 5 other blogs, more if you like.

Fourth, Email the owner of, or post on the blogs that you have tagged, to inform them that you've tagged them.

So who to tag? I sneak up on:

Army Wife Toddler Mom

Mathcog Idiocy

There's One Only!

(I changed the rules and am only picking 3 others to harass with this)

Only Child

Tammi's post got me thinking about the upcoming holidays and the pressure that goes along with them.

I am an only child. My parents absolutely 'rely' on us to complete their holiday. The pressure is incredible. We go up there on Christmas Eve, spend the day and night at their house because they have a big shindig with all the Aunts and Uncles & Cousins. By the time everybody leaves on Christmas Eve, it is usually too late to open presents from my folks, so they pressure us to spend the night and open presents in the morning. I never had a problem with that till we had Shorty, and we want him to open his presents here at home on Christmas morning. Another trouble with the presents in the morning is that they buy us about 3 hours worth of presents to be opened. Minimum. There are a couple of break times in there because we get burned out on opening presents, no kidding. Sadly, most of the stuff they get for us adults is stuff I won't use because it is knick-knacks and junk, but that's another story entirely. We are their Christmas. I have been telling my folks to knock it off with the presents for the adults for a couple of years now. One year we had to leave most of our presents there because we couldn't fit it all in the STATIONWAGON. I don't want that kind of Christmas anymore. When I was a kid, oh Hell yeah, but now......

Point is, I have a hard time with the guilt of getting hundreds of dollars worth of presents, having to try to get them to stop it with all those presents, and having to sit at their house for Christmas when we really just want to be at home and play with Shorty. I want to be able to cut them off somehow, but I don't want to hurt their feelings because I know they will just sit there on Christmas all by themselves and not enjoy it at all. That is how they are. They will mope. I also don't want to seem like an ingrate about the presents. It is hard to be diplomatic about it.

I have already broken away from them for Thanksgiving, that was a lot easier being the family celebration is at an Aunts house, and there are no damn presents involved. They don't like it one bit, but they got over it. I am still a little stuck with the Christmas deal, and I wish I had some brothers or sisters to ease the burden. It is just us. And it sucks.

Teachers Aide

Yesterday when I went to drop off Shorty at preschool, I overheard the teacher and another mother talking about how the teachers aide never called in sick or anything, and hasn't showed up. The other mother was apologizing about how she would be more than happy to stay and help out, but she had plans for this, that, and the other thing. I'm sitting there thinking "Oh shit. They know I can hear them, and I have no excuse." So I pipe up, "I don't have anything going on, would you like me to stay and help out?"

So begins my career of Teachers Aide.

I was asked to lead the hand painting table, painting all of the kids hands yellow and squishing them on a piece of paper, and helping them write their names on the paper.

I got to take twelve 4 year olds to the bathroom and make sure they wash their hands. After the bathroom break I was to get them all to sit still while I read a Thanksgiving book about the pilgrims and Indians. That didn't go real well. First thing that went wrong there was that my Shorty was pissed because he didn't want me to read 'that' book, he wanted a different book. Of course he is used to at home where Mommy reads whatever he chooses. He was TICKED and would not pipe down about it. I had to kick my own son out of story time. Crap. So he is off on the other side of the room on a blue chair aimed at the wall. Then I got about 2 pages into the book and this little girl starts trying to make conversation with me about how her dad is on an airplane right now, and how she wants to ride on an airplane, and that spirals into 5 kids all yelling to each other about how their dad-uncle-mom whatever rides bla bla bla.....SITUATION OUT OF CONTROL. I try to start the story up again, and have to use the teacher phrases like "children, eyes up here", and "this is story time, not visiting time". I was kind of proud of myself for remaining calm and using teacher phrases. I have never had such a hard time reading 12 pages of mostly pictures in my life. Not that it wasn't fun and all, just a challenge.

Then bingo which was relatively uneventful, after that was done I got to help these kids get their jackets and hats on and all of their crap into their backpacks. There are three kids in that class whose zippers are broke on their jackets AND 2 kids with the zippers busted on their backpacks. Not because of me, they were already broke, seriously. Poor kids. I just wanted to get some safety pins or something and rig them up so they wouldn't freeze.

There you have it folks, once again wrangled into preschool activities. I obviously don't mind though. I enjoy it really. If I wasn't willing to help out I wouldn't. I am not real good with excuses, but I can come through in a pinch if push comes to shove. Nah, I'll just help out.

*Oooh...maybe they will give me a discount on the fees.....ooohh.....*

Pilled Up Sweaters

I was at a funeral last Friday, and I noticed something that has had me wondering, and frankly a little bothered.

I took great care when choosing my attire when I decided to attend this service, something respectful, something plane, something I thought would be appropriate for a military funeral.

I wore nice black dress pants, a beautiful plain cream colored blouse, my black leather mid length coat, and black leather square toed short boots. I was a minority in the way that I dressed. I saw many people wearing ratty blue jeans, pilled up sweaters, worn out crappy stuff, ill fitting loud and obnoxious clothing, tennis shoes.

What I am getting at is that there seems to have been a change somewhere that somehow these choices are acceptable for a funeral. They are not acceptable in my eyes, and I am just confused about it. All of the older gentlemen wore the usual suit and tie, and the older women wore something similar to what I was wearing, but wool of course. Then there were the military folks in uniform who looked so sharp and tidy, as always. The vast majority of the younger (age 15-50) group was wearing mostly unsuitable clothing, in my opinion.

Now, I realise that not everybody has the money to buy nicer clothes, and neither do I, but I made due with $5.00 worth of thrift store clothes and made sure I looked to be what I thought was appropriate. I even took great care when deciding what to wear for jewlery, so I wouldn't look flashy. Chose my Napier necklace, earring, bracelet set that was gold and silver both with tiny, tiny gold beads twisted amongst the gold and silver.

I know that what matters the most to the family is that you show up, no matter how you are, but to show up like you are headed off to Wall-Mart? Would those same people who dressed like that wear those clothes to a wedding? People always dress nice to weddings. Or do they? It has been a while since I have been to a wedding. Now, generally I dress like crap when I am at home, and even to go to the store, but when I go to a funeral or wedding, I make for damn sure I look nice. Out of respect for the family AND the departed one, or to show the ones getting married that I care.

Some people dress up to show off to others that maybe they are better or more wealthy, but that is a whole different deal. This is just plain and simple respect. And I wonder if it is still there, hidden under pilled up sweaters and grubby tennis shoes.

It Is Hard To Be Me

Well, I have come to realize that I seem to have the vocabulary of a elderly person, and I am OK with that. Coupled with the apparent "Fargo" type "accent" I have been told I have, I call it charm. My own family gives me looks sometimes, and you know what? That's just fine.

Seriously, I was at the local American Legion one time playing bingo, (yes, laugh all you want, and yes I am way too young to be playing bingo) and the fella handing out the bingo cards came over to sell me some, and I said "Ja, sure, I'll take two", in my "Fargo" kind of way. He stood there and stared at me. Seriously. Then I said it again, because I had no clue what the deal was. He just kinda snickered and smiled and gave me my cards. I came home later that night and told my husband what happened, and that I had no clue what the deal was, and he just laughed! Then he proceeded to tell me that I don't sound like the folks around here. I grew up in Wisconsin with Swedish and Norwegian grandparents, and I just talk this way. I still don't know what the deal is being we live in Minnesota now, like they have never heard someone like me. Pfft. Kinda like people that grew up down south, they have their ya'll, and I have my Ja sure. Everybody try to understand this when you read my posts that I have to clean them up a LOT. If I actually wrote the way that I talk, you all would laugh me out of the blogosphere. err...maybe you already do, and I just don't know it yet....(note to self=quit being so lame)

You know what's funny though? My Mom says Darn Tootin' more than anyone else on the planet. Thankfully I rarely say it. In my little world, that is a darn good thing dontcha know. Seriously, if you want to see me really get strong with it, get me upset or flustered. Not pissed though, because all I do then is swear and get animated, only upset or flustered. Politics will do it every time. Or the Sioux uprising of 1862. (Harvey, seriously, Jerry and I got into it so bad about the details of this, not pretty) You would think I was a pretty fresh immigrant that still doesn't speak the English so good. I have heard it is pretty entertaining to get me going. My husband does it for fun occasionally. Yep, It is hard to be me.

Am I The Only One?

Am I the only person that uses the word 'humdinger' in regular speech? Every damn time I use that word people look at me like I'm a freak. I grew up with that word, and think nothing of it. Do you spose it's a regional thing? But even when I say it up here in Minnesota & Wisconsin, that's where everyone looks at me like I'm from another planet. What the heck? Where did that word come from? I will not remove it from my vocabulary, and I believe it is a wonderful word.

What else would you say to a person with a black eye but: "holy smokes, now that's a humdinger!" I seriously can't think of anything else to say but that. Maybe "Holy smokes, that's a doozie!" Then they still look at yah like you are a freak, because no one else says doozie either. I have not not yet gotten used to being looked at like I am a freak, and this has been going on for a long, long time. Sometimes I get the feeling that I get laughed at a LOT more than I get laughed WITH.

To all of you who do not use the words humdinger and doozie....please start. I am sick of being alone on this, and these words deserve more that just me using them. They are good words.

Black Dress Pants

Went shopping yesterday for some new dressy slacks for a funeral on Friday. (A military funeral for a soldier killed in Iraq. Little brother of a friend) Anyway, the last time I bought clothes for a wedding or funeral was last winter I think, and the pants I bought then have since changed from super-cool, and nice to pilled up and trashy, so I had to replace them. Why is it that the fabrics that they make dress pants out of for women can handle about 4 washings and then they are trashed? That's about 10 bucks per time I wear them. I am sick of spending that king of money for something I know will destroy itself. Hubby gave me 50 bucks to go get some pants, so I headed to the thrift store in a neighboring town to see just what kind of clothes you get for 2 bucks a pop, before heading to the dreaded mall of DOOM.

Seriously, I am stopping there next time I need anything from now on! I bought a very nice pair of BRAND NEW with the tags still on them dress pants ($39.99 by the way!), a BRAND NEW beautiful dress shirt with the tags on it still ($21.99 from JC Pennys), a long flowing black skirt with tags (price tag was gone though) another shirt from Casual Corner (not brand new, but you can't tell) and a beautiful pink bra (no tags, but I'm pretty sure it is still new).

Now for the kicker....What do you spose this all cost me? $10.50

Moral of this story is that I will ALWAYS go check at the thrift store before buying anymore overpriced dress clothes. Not one of the items I bought yesterday would have cost a mere $10.50, I am thrilled! I would have never guessed you can get really nice clothes at a lowly thrift store. I always go there to see if they have neat vintage stuff (and they always do), but never looked for clothes. That has changed from now on!

Kids are a HOOT!

Here is a quote from tonight:

Me: You smell like toots, do you think maybe you need to go poop?

Shorty: It's OK, I'm just being a spaz tooting.

It is real hard to take a kid seriously when that comes out of his mouth! He was absolutely serious too.

Bottled Water

OK. We found a case of bottled water down in the basement this weekend that supposidly expired in 2003. Does bottled water actually expire, or do they have to put an experation date on it just because it is something you drink? We have been drinking it, and it tastes fine. Perhaps something eventually happens with the plastic bottle? I don't know.....

Cars, Cars, & More Cars.

Since everyone else is talking about cars...

A guest post by Mike the husband. (Sarahs notes will be in italics and cat crap orange)

These are all of the vehicles we have owned since high school. In order of aquisition. Each one could really be a post of its own.

1) 1980 Mercury Grand Marquis: My first car (The first car I ever did it....errr...nothing...)

2) 1979 Mercury Grand Marquis: Sarah's first car

3) 1979 Buick LeSabre: Sarah's favorite (Not favorite, and is still a sore spot)

4) 1984 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera: No title, but the owner paid us twice to get it back. (Yeah, that's a really funny story)

5) 1978 Ford LTD: Land yacht. (The second car I did it....errrr.....what?...nothing...)

6) 1985 Buick Century: Lil' Hodge. Parts car.

7) 1974 Ford F-100: It is now a trailer. (A girl needs no clothes on as long as there is Fords famous "High Output Heat". It's the truth.)

8) 1986 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera: The Shitbox. We both absolutely loved it. Went to the scrap yard at 405,000 miles. (Bowing head for a moment of silence...)

9) 1976 Ford F-250 HD: The Wreck. (Still own it)

10) 1989 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera: The '89. Driving a car with 3 burned valves is great fun. (Buying a car previously owned by the village whore is not cool)

11) 1985 Chevrolet Blazer (Full Size): Free from Sarah's dad.

12) 1979 Ford F-150: Rossssssssssss owns it now. (Sucker.)

13) 1986.5 Toyota Supra: I'm glad I never got a ticket for 140mph. (Yes, but I got the ticket for 87 in a 55)

14) 1985 Oldsmobile Cutalss Ciera (Station Wagon): The Sweet Sweet Wagon. (Still own it) (I really like wagons. They are sooo handy.)

15) 1988 Ford E-150: Free from work. Painted to match the rest of the fleet. Wheelchair van. Raised roof. Leaky Roof. 5" tall numbers on the side. Lineoleum floor. No exhaust. Classy. (embarrasing as all hell.)

16) 1992 Ford Corwn Victoria: Looked better once the body got lifted 5" and the 31" tires got put on. (He is not kidding, that car looked super cool after he did that.)

17) 1984 Chevrolet Van: Free from work. Sarah's dad ownes it now.

18) 1991 Chevrolet Lumina: Sucked, sold it as fast as I could.

19) 1989 Ford E-150: Free from work. Conversion Van. Wheelchair lift. Good for hauling stuff around. (still own it) (I threw a fit because of this van. This was the third free van he drug home in a 2 month span. Fit I say.)

20) 1988 Yugo GV: Awesome. In an accident you might as well be in a wet cardboard box. (still own it) (Maybe a wet cardboard box with chicken wire around it...maybe.)

21) 1975 Ford F-350 Flat Bed Tow Truck: Handy. Harvey's favorite. (still own it) (We spent most of a summer a couple years ago at Harvey & TNTs house because of that truck. Thank you for not killing us.)

22) 1978 Ford F-150: Free with the purchase of the tow truck. (Not as good of a deal as one might think)

23) Pontiac Bonneville SSE: Traded the Supra for it. (Also not as good of a deal as one might think.)

24) 1978 Ford F-250: Free from friend. The engine is running on a stand heating my garage. (I wouldn't let him buy a heater. This is what happened.)

25) 1991 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme: Free from Sarah's dad. (still own it)

26) 1974 Ford F-250 HD: My toy. (still own it)

27) 1995 Chevrolet Corsica: The Crapsica. Free from my mom. The most annoying car to drive I have ever owned. (still own it) (It's as though GM has no pride)

28) 1977 Ford F-150: Traded some parts to Rossssssssss for it. Sarah's minty green truck. (still own it) (Thanks Ross, it's my all time favorite Ford truck.)

29) 1991 Chevrolet S-10: Free from my dad. (still own it)


Yes, our neighbors hate us. (Indeed they do.)

Mike

Weekend of Busy!

What a weekend! We had our buddy Ross over on Friday night and Saturday, went to the scrap yard, Menards, Wal-Mart on Saturday morning with Ross. My husband and Ross went to the feed mill to buy corn for our pellet/corn stove, and came back with 1,940 lbs. of corn. We busted our asses shoveling corn into garbage can after garbage can to store it through the winter. We have enough fuel for the stove to make it through the winter now, so I am happy.

Got the corn taken care of, and then I cooked a hotdish for the shindig, baked a pumpkin cake while the meal was being assembled, and then made the frosting. We got the boy in the tub because we let him play in the back of the truck when it was full of corn, and he was a disaster with all of that corn dust. I got ready while husband got the boys hair washed and got him dressed. The cake was still too hot to frost when we left the house, so I frosted it when we got there.

Got to the shindig, and they already had 2 bonfires going, food cooking, kids running wild. When it got dark out the littlest boy (age 3) of the host came in the kitchen and turned to his mom, and said "I need the F***ing flashlight Mom!" We all whipped around as fast as we could so the kid wouldn't see us laughing. Man, you never see stuff like that coming, and then BAM! there it flies. Holy smokes that boy can cuss. So we stayed at the party till about midnight, came home and hit the sack shortly after. Anyway, the party was a lot of fun.

Sunday morning Shorty came in to wake us up, and he then wandered off to watch a movie for a while till he got hungry and wanted someone to take him to pee. I announced to my husband that I was going to spend the day in the basement throwing our useless crap away. We managed to spend about 8 hours going through boxes of junk that should have never been saved ever. For instance, I threw away my all of my kindergarten projects, 6 years of Christmas cards, Oriental trading catalogues from 1997, my husbands Valentines from 2nd grade, moldy stuffed animals from when I was a kid, moldy stuffed animals from when Mike was a kid, my baby teeth, every color book that I ever had as a child, pez dispensers, instructions for the 8 bit Nintendo, cleaner for the 8 bit Nintendo, airline ticket stubs from 1988, and it just goes on and on like that. What the heck were we thinking, keeping all that crap this whole time? All in all we got over a truckload of junk out of the basement, not to mention the box after box of paper and cardboard recycling, and all the scrap metal from old computers, and other crap we had no business keeping. Also we have a wood burning pile going with broken chairs, wood scraps, moldy baskets etc... Probably totals at least 2 truckloads. Not the burning pile, but everything together. Why we have all this crap, I don't know, but it is all going away so I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I am also going to try my best to not let that happen again.

It does feel good to clean out.

Dear Sally

Well perhaps you remember the letter of love that my Man Cat Sally wrote to Amber over at Bad Example a few days ago. Sally finally received a reply from her. To say the least, he is crushed. My opinion is that he should hold out for someone with a better vocabulary, and a girl who likes boys. Here is the letter Sally got:

Deer Sally,

I wanT NO man Kat. I like Girlz no boys. Boys too rough, girlz just right. Don't write me NOmore. I wont Write back again. Me NO like you penis-haver. Go away now. Dont send for me i wont get in da box. I like it here.

Stupid man kat.

Amber

(personally I thought she would be more eloquent with her writing being Harveys cat, but apparently not. Does anyone else think she sounds a bit foreign ?)

Junkyard Shenanigans

I called the sort-of-local junkyard today to see about two steel rims for our super common 1995 GM car. Shouldn't be a problem, right? Junkyards have tires and rims falling out of their asses most of the time. As soon as I told the lady what I was looking for, I was met with the response "sorry, we don't have any vehicles of that make and model" She said that so darn quick that I knew that she didn't look it up in the computer or a inventory book or anything. So then I asked if they delt in import cars only, and her even quicker response was "no, we just don't have any vehicles here of that make and model." First off, there are books out there, I think they are called Hollander books, and they are a handy thing because they will tell you what parts are interchangeable with what cars. Even backwoods piss-ant little ma & pa junkyards have these. She could have looked in there to see if a Buick, or Chevy rim will work on a Oldsmobile. Easy as pie.

The point of this is that I think there is something shady going on there. Why would they not want to sell me parts? Why is it that the last time we had a 1998 supercharged Pontiac Bonneville that the body was good on, and drove OK enough to drive it to the junkyard, and I called them to see what they would pay us for it, they told me that they were not accepting any vehicles at this time, and would not give us any money for it, in fact charge us $50 if we left it there. That is just not how junkyards work. That is what they say when you want to drive your shitty ass Reliant, or 1982 Escort there. Nobody wants parts from those cars, so they don't take them. Makes sense.

I have come to the conclusion that this particular Junkyard is just a cover business for bigger and better things. That would make perfect sense to have a big ol' heap of cars sitting there and then turn in the taxes saying that oh, yes we sold $200,000 worth of parts last year when in fact they really sold next to no parts, and the money coming in was drug money etc...

I am a little ticked, to say the least. Maybe I am wrong about all of this and they are just a poorly run waste of space, but I have my doubts.

I just want some steel rims for snow tires. Damn.

Shindigs and Hootnannys

OK folks, I have put this till the last minute. I am going to a shindig this Saturday, and it is potluck. The ladies from my husbands work are breathing down my back about what I am bringing, which I usually end up deciding upon at the last minute. I need to tell them something by this afternoon. There will be 8 adults and 6 children. 4 families. The dishes that the other ladies are bringing so far are: tator tot hot dish, and veggie pizza.

I'm thinking I'll bring my rotini cheesey hotdish in the crock pot, and pumpkin cake with homemade cream cheese frosting. Any other ideas? Chips and dip?

Serious Now...

OK, perhaps I am a little mean in the comments in the post below, so if there is anyone who would like to ask me nice questions in the comments on this post, I will answer nicely. Sorry if anyone was offended earlier, I did not mean to offend, only amuse. If you would still like to get verbally abused, and have your question picked on, go ahead and comment on the other one.

Ask Sarah Anything...

This will be fun! This is a little game we can play. You can ask me anything about anything, weather predictions, advice, personal questions, and I will try my best to answer you in the meanest, rudest, snarky way I can. My answers will be brutal and vulgar so please don't be offended, it is just part of the game. Lets get started!!

Trick-Or-Treating

We took Shorty out last night for a night of candy and spookables. Man did we bring home a haul! A whole wal-mart bag plumb full! This kid has candy to last all year I think. We started out at about 5:30, and came home at 8:30. He was such a trooper about everything, I just couldn't believe it. We definitely walked several miles. There are some tricks that I remember from when I was a kid that still work today, and some new ones that my boy has figured out.

People are likely to give the kid with the least in his bucket more candy because they feel sorry for him. (we were dumping his bucket in the car every block or so)

People let cute kids rifle through the candy bowl after they have given the kid candy because they don't have the heart to chase them out of there.

When the kid says "I love you" instead of "thank you" for the candy, the old ladies make the kid come back to get more candy. (My boy did this to one lady!)

When a kid tries to weasel his way into peoples houses because he sees a dog he wants to pet, or something good on the TV, people bribe the kid out with even more candy.

Old folks think it is hilarious when they are standing at the door and the kid won't accept any candy until he has gone thru the motions--ringing the bell, then beating on the door they are holding onto, and then taking the candy.

There you have it folks. Another thing that is essential is a chauffeur. My dear husband came home and we whisked him out of the house and made him drive us all over town to the fancy neighborhoods, and follow us around while we finished up neighborhoods, only to get a ride 3 blocks over to get more houses. He had not eaten supper, and was starving but didn't complain once. (He did request 3 grilled cheese sandwiches as soon as we got home)

All in all, I think we had a great time, and the boy held his own the whole time, and he got more candy than I ever expected. Good haul. And I got the pick of his candy after he went to bed and couldn't get to sleep because of all the sugar.

Dear Amber

(A Guest post by my cat Sally The Man Cat to his newest crush...Amber from Bad Examble)


HeLLO butIfull Amber DarLing. I have seen yur photo on the puter n I thinks your beautfuL. I couLd Be the perFEcht man fur you, My naMe is SaLLy The mAn Cat. I Love YOu and want YoU to be my woMan Cat. I hAve lots of Toys and food too oFFer yoU. I coulD make U my Ultimate princcess. I am ToTTAly buff Looking and HavE nice WISKERs. You hAve good Looking WISKERz to. I wAnt to toucH theM. I want to LIck thom. I have Nice stripeS all over My maJestiK wild Catt lookking body. I have a Beautiful BoDDY. I want You. I KaN senD pitures in the male, or thrU the puter If you Amber DarLing wanna gud look At mi WISKERs. I will aLWays sharE my Kattnipp WiTH my princcess. I want You. We have LaunDRY heree at Mi house thAt you can sleeP in. I like Laundry, and I like yoU. I am ToTTAly buff Looking and You will LiKe me. I SMELL Good to. Yoo can BE My sUPER ultiMATE princcess. I want You Amber. You R a buTiful Woman cAT. I wiLL bee wAitin fur YoUR letter baCk too me. I am MaJestiK LookkkING, and sMEll Good. I will Wait for a REPLy befOre I senD for Yoo. I LOve you Amber DarLing.

SaLLy The mAn Cat